There is much talk about online learning these days. One of Bridges Together’s core values is lifelong learning. In that spirit, we offer you an intergenerational vocabulary class. In our corresponding Bridging Generations Guide, we list activities and questions to help bridge the generations during this crisis. There will be NO quiz at the end(!) but we ask that you share on social media or via email, how you are applying these terms in order to be together while physically apart.
WikiHow is a “wiki,” similar to Wikipedia, which means that many of our articles are co-written by multiple authors. To create this article, 44 people, some anonymous, worked to edit and improve it over time. What makes someone happy? A famous study pdf, conducted almost 40 years ago, found that lottery winners tend not to be happier than other people. Once the initial buzz of winning fades, it says.
- No matter how young our students are, they can learn simple steps to deal with BIG emotions and train their mind to reflect, reset and reinforce their own ability to control their mind and body. Below are three ways that I teach mindfulness in the classroom. Teach Mindfulness During Morning Meetings/Circle Up.
- Happiness in the Classroom Photo credit: Detroit Waldorf School We all want our children to be happy, and while this is traditionally thought of as an at-home concern, we send our kids to school hoping that they will have an emotionally enriching and balanced day.
1. Duality
Definition: Being able to simultaneously hold two oppositional feelings or thoughts.
Examples: I first learned about this concept in terms of research that was conducted on the impact of our BRIDGES programs, primarily run in schools with older adult volunteers. After six weeks, volunteers sometimes felt better about their own aging yet more fearful of the process of aging. Duality. Opposing thoughts.
I introduced the term “duality” to my friend last month at his mother’s burial, the week before his wedding. What contrasting feelings he and his fiancée/ wife were experiencing. Duality.
Today, as we live through this pandemic, many of us are experiencing duality. On the negative side: fear, loss, hopelessness, loneliness. On the positive side: gratitude, relief, connectedness, hope, joy in the little things.
Like the proverbial glass half-empty or half-full, we need to admit that we have a glass with liquid in it – and then choose how we will focus on it and frame it. We have a variety of thoughts and feelings. It’s important to admit them but then, we have the power to choose where our focus will be and what we will share with others.
Applying duality: In early March, I was relieved that my sons’ dorms were closing but I was a bit sad that our quiet and leisurely empty-nest was going to be filled again – which, in turn, has brought me great joy! Today, I am worried that my loved ones who are medical personnel will contract the virus and not survive yet I am peaceful in my home where we are healthy and our needs are met.
Activity: Create artwork to express duality – even little ones can understand this. You’ll need two 8.5 x 11 pieces of paper and some colored pencils, crayons or markers. On one sheet/ side, draw a picture of a bad feeling you had this week or a tough situation and use greys/browns/black crayons. On the other sheet, draw something that has made you happy this week but use bright colors. Compare the two images and compare what the other person depicted. When looking at artwork, it is important to convey what you notice or feel – not the talent (or lack thereof). This activity is part of our BRIDGES: Our Stories program and was inspired by artist Sharon Santillo. It builds on the book Alexander and the Terrible Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day written by Judith Viorst and illustrated by Ray Cruz which you can watch read aloud online. Compare that with What a Wonderful World Illustrated by Ashley Bryant.
Question to Start Meaningful Conversations and Writing: Duality is having two thoughts or feelings at the same time that seem to be opposites. How have you experienced duality lately?
2. Resilience
Definition: Ability to survive during difficult times and then to adapt, adjust and bounce back
Examples: A child with a broken leg who learns to get around by hopping OR a widow who develops a full life again after the death of her spouse who had been ill for a long time.
Resilience happens when we fail or when our plans don’t go as expected or when the proverbial monkey-wrench gets thrown in – and yet, we get up, and continue on. It is critical for young people to learn about resilience and to develop that grit. In recent years, some schools have incorporated lessons in resilience.
Through this pandemic and sheltering in place, we have the opportunity to learn resilience, to become resilient. In order to help us succeed, it’s important to remember previous times in our lives when we have suffered and what helped us successfully come through rough times. Then, we can use those same mechanisms through these challenging times.
Applying Resilience: For example, after the birth of my second child, I was completely overwhelmed with caring for this baby and his toddler brother. Then, I was inspired to jot down the best part of my day before going to bed. All of a sudden, I started looking at all of the positive things in my day wondering if that was going to be the best part that I would record at night. Instead of seeing my glass as half empty, my days as so difficult, I began to see my glass as half full, to focus on my days that were filled with several great moments. Today, I continue to recognize the positive parts of my day and express gratitude to the people and The Divine One who make them possible.
Activity: Do a virtual field-trip to “Grandma’s or Grandpa’s Attic”. Arrange a time to meet using technology. Then, pull out a box of keepsakes and open it up with your grandchild – maybe 15 minutes or 30 minutes at a time. Share stories – especially about challenges around the time of the object and how you developed resilience through it. For example, if it’s a medal from serving in the war, weave into your conversation ways in which you became resilient. If possible, find ways to share the item or those that are similar. For example, if you open up a box of old dolls, are you able to get one of them to your grandchild OR look online for a similar one OR choose fabric to make a doll blanket?
Question to Start Meaningful Conversations and Writing: Resilience is being able to overcome tough situations. What was a difficult time you had in your past? What helped you get through it then? Can you use that technique now? Was there a person or group of people who helped you? Who is helping you – or might be able to help you now?
3. Interdependence
Definition: A compound word with Latin origins. Inter – between. Dependence: Reliance on, success that is contingent upon another; mutually beneficial.
Examples: The concept of “intergenerational” has – at its very core – two groups – which are NOT oppositional but truly interdependent. – our oldest and youngest members. We need one another – now, more than ever. We have the opportunity – and responsibility – to reach out and help one another during this pandemic. As they saying goes: we’ll get through this, together.
Applying Interdependence: This issue of our Bridging Generations Guide has dozens of ways that people in different generations can connect with one another in meaningful ways, recognizing our interdependence.
Activity: Plan a garden – a flower OR vegetable garden OR perhaps a “family memory garden” where you plant your loved ones’ favorites OR a “peace garden” in memory of loved ones who have left this world. With interdependence, share your wisdom and knowledge, do research, purchase the supplies, do the planting as well as caring for and harvesting.
Question to Start Meaningful Conversations and Writing: Interdependence is helping each other in different ways at different times. How have you helped someone else in the past month? How has someone helped you?
4. One day at a time[1].
Definition: Keep the focus on today and do what you can do for today, as well as abstain from negative behaviors, just for today. Don’t worry about tomorrow or the many tomorrows to come.
Examples: This phrase may be best associated with Bill W. and the 12-Step programs. However, it was used by President Abraham Lincoln: “The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” As we face this pandemic, thankfully, we – the general public – only have to focus on today while we pray for and send good karma to our leaders who are looking ahead for us. On a much lighter note, the Peanuts cartoon creator Charles M. Schulz said: “Life is like an ice cream cone. You have to lick it one day at a time.” YUM and a reminder for those of us in the northeast that summer is coming!
Perhaps one day at a time and this entire writing is summarized in Pope John XXIII’s writing which has become known as the Daily Decalogue – Only For Today…
- Only for today, I will seek to live the livelong day positively without wishing to solve the problems of my life [or world] all at once.
- Only for today, I will take the greatest care of my appearance: I will dress modestly [actually get dressed]; I will not raise my voice; I will be courteous in my behavior; I will not criticize anyone; I will not claim to improve or to discipline anyone except myself.
- Only for today, I will be happy in the certainty that I was created to be happy, not only in the other world but also in this one.
- Only for today, I will adapt to circumstances, without requiring all circumstances to be adapted to my own wishes.
- Only for today, I will devote 10 minutes of my time to some good reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so good reading is necessary to the life of the soul.
- Only for today, I will do one good deed and not tell anyone about it.
- Only for today, I will do at least one thing I do not like doing; and if my feelings are hurt, I will make sure that no one notices.
- Only for today, I will make a plan for myself: I may not follow it to the letter, but I will make it. And I will be on guard against two evils: hastiness and indecision.
- Only for today, I will firmly believe, despite appearances, that the good Providence of God cares for me as no one else who exists in this world.
- Only for today, I will have no fears. In particular, I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe in goodness. Indeed, for 12 hours I can certainly do what might cause me consternation were I to believe I had to do it all my life.
Activity: Share Pope John XXIII’s Daily Decalogue. Compare and contrast which are easier for you and the other person. Are there any lines you would like to add or delete? Consider choosing one to focus on for the next week. Print and hang the Daily Decalogue in your own homes. If you decided to focus on one area, check in with each other regularly to discuss your progress.
Question to Start Meaningful Conversations and Writing: Interdependence is helping each other in different ways at different times. How have you helped someone else in the past month? How has someone helped you?
In Closing
We need one another and as Generations United says, we are stronger together. if you would like suggestions on how to apply these IG vocabulary words to strengthen relationships – especially between generations – and while maintaining social distance, just click here and we will send them to you in our latest Bridging Generations Guide – for free!
If you want to stay abreast of Bridges Together’s tools and trainings, click here to sign up for our newsletter. If you would like to see the other resources, we have made available during this pandemic, click here.
Wishing you “pace e bene” – an Italian saying meaning “peace, wellness and all good things”.
For many parents, raising happy children is the holy grail of parenting success. But too often, we think happiness is about those fleeting moments of getting what you want. Lasting happiness is actually much more complicated, but much more rewarding. And yes, you can dramatically increase your child's chances of being happy, just by the way you raise him or her.
What makes a happy child who grows into a happy adult? Since happiness is a by-product of emotional health, this whole website is about helping you raise a happy child, from meeting your infant's need to be soothed, to helping your child develop optimism. But let's talk specifically about what makes humans happy.
The latest research on happiness gives us surprising answers. Once survival, safety and basic comforts are assured, external circumstance doesn't affect our happiness level much. Our genes certainly contribute, but their affect can be ameliorated to ratchet up our happiness set points to a higher level. The largest determinant of our happiness turns out to be our own mental, emotional, and physical habits, which create the body chemistry that determines our happiness level.
We all know that some of us tend to be more upbeat than others. Part of this is inborn, just the fate of our genes that give us a happier mood. But much of our mood is habit.
It may seem odd to have happiness referred to as a habit. But it's likely that by the time we're adults, we have settled into the habit of often being happy, or the habit of being largely unhappy.
Happiness is closely linked to three kinds of habits:
- How we think and feel about the world, and therefore perceive our experiences.
- Certain actions or habits, such as regular exercise, eating healthfully, meditating, connecting with other people, even -- proven in study after study -- regularly smiling and laughing!
- Character traits such as self-control, industry, fairness, caring about others, citizenship, wisdom, courage, leadership, and honesty.
In practice, these character traits are just habits; tendencies to act in certain ways when confronted with certain kinds of situations. And certainly it makes sense that the more we exhibit these traits, the better our lives work, the better we feel about ourselves, and the more meaning we find in life -- so the happier we are.
Some of the habits that create happiness are visible, the ways Grandma told us we ought to live: work hard, value relationships with other people, keep our bodies healthy, manage our money responsibly, contribute to our community.
Others are more personal habits of self management that insulate us from unhappiness and create joy in our lives, such as managing our moods and cultivating optimism. But once we make such habits part of our lives, they become automatic and serve a protective function.
How can you help your child begin to develop the habits that lead to happiness?
1. Teach your child constructive mental habits that create happiness.
Managing our moods, positive self-talk, cultivating optimism, celebrating life, practicing gratitude, and appreciating our connected-ness to each other and the entire universe. Build these into your life together so you model them regularly, talk about using them, and your child will copy you.
2. Teach your child self-management routines that create happiness.
Regular exercise, healthy eating, and meditation are all highly correlated with happiness levels. But you and your child may have your own, more personal strategies; for many people music is an immediate mood lifter, for others a walk in nature always works.
3. Cultivate fun.
The old saying that laughter is the best medicine turns out to be true. The more we laugh, the happier we are! It actually changes our body chemistry. So the next time you and your child want to shake off the doldrums, how about a Marx brothers movie?
And here’s a wonderful tool: smiling makes us happier, even when we initially force it. The feedback from our facial muscles informs us that we’re happy, and immediately improves our mood. Not to mention the moods of those around us-- so that feedback loop uplifts everyone.
4. Model positive self- talk.
We all need a cheerleader to help us over life’s many hurdles. Who says we can’t be our own? In fact, who better? Research shows that happy people give themselves ongoing reassurance, acknowledgment, praise and pep talks. Talk to yourself like someone you love, aloud so your kids can hear you.
5. Cultivate optimism...
...it inoculates against unhappiness. It’s true that some of us are born more optimistic than others, but we can all cultivate it. Click here for 'How you can help your child become more Optimistic'.
6. Help your child find joy in everyday things.
Studies show that people who notice the small miracles of daily life, and allow themselves to be touched by them, are happier. Daily life overflows with joyful occurrences: The show of the setting sun, no less astonishing for its daily repetition. The warmth of connection with the man at the newsstand who recognizes you and your child. The joy of finding a new book by a favorite author at the library. A letter from Grandma. The first crocuses of spring.
As Albert Einstein said,
'There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.'
Children learn by our example what's important in life.
7. Support your child to prioritize relationships.
Research shows that people who are happiest have more people in their lives, and deeper relationships with those people. Teach your child that while relationships take work, they're worth it.
8. Help your child develop gratitude.
'We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.' -- Frederick Keonig
Many people think they can't be grateful until they're happy, meaning until they have something to be grateful for. But look closely and you'll find that it's the opposite: people are happy because they are grateful. People who describe themselves as consciously cultivating gratefulness are rated as happier by those who know them, as well as by themselves.
Children don’t have a context for life, so they don’t know whether they are lucky or unlucky, only that their friend Brendon has more expensive sneakers. But there are many ways to help children learn to cultivate gratitude, which is the opposite of taking everything for granted. (Hint: Think modeling, not lecturing).
9. Accept all emotions.
Life is full of joy, but even for the happiest person life is also full of loss and pain, and we have daily reasons to grieve, large and small. Acknowledging our sad feelings isn't focusing on the negative, it's opening ourselves to the full range of being human. Accepting those uncomfortable sad feelings actually deepens our ability to take joy in our lives.
So choosing to be happy doesn't mean repressing our feelings. It means acknowledging and honoring all our feelings, and letting ourselves feel them. That allows us to move through the feelings, so they start to dissolve.
With your child, simply empathizing with her upset feelings will allow her to feel them, and will help the feelings start to evaporate so she can move on. This is not a process that can be rushed, so give your child (or yourself) whatever time you need.
10. Help him learn how to manage his moods.
Most people don’t know that they can choose to let bad moods go and consciously change their moods. But practice in doing this can really make us happier. You can practice this by:
- Monitoring your own moods.
- Allowing yourself to feel the emotions while you hold yourself with love.
- Noticing any negative thoughts that are giving rise to the emotions. ('My child shouldn't be acting this way! He'll grow up to be a terrible person if he does this!')
- Choosing a thought that makes you feel a little better. (For instance, 'My child is acting like a child because he IS a child. He won't always be like this.')
Of course, the hard part is choosing to change a bad mood. While you're in it, it's hard to take constructive action to change things. You don't have to go from desolate to cheerful. Just find a way to help yourself feel slightly better. That empowers you to actually face what's upsetting you, and try to solve it. Sometimes just changing our the way we're thinking about a situation really shifts things. So, instead of 'How can he be nasty to me like that, with all I do for him?!' you might try
'It's normal for children to get angry at their parents. He's struggling right now, and he needs me to try to understand him.'
How to help your child with her moods? Sometime when she's in a good mood, talk with her about strategies for getting into a better mood: what works for her? Share what works for you. Then, when she’s in a bad mood, start by empathizing. After she's had some time to feel her upset, ask her if she wants help to change her mood. Even if she’s able to choose a better mood only one out of ten times initially, she’ll soon start to notice how much better her life works when she does it.
11. Counteract the message that happiness can be bought.
As parents, we need to remember that we are not the only ones teaching our children about life. They get the constant media message that the goal of life is more money and more things. Ultimately, what we model and what we tell them will matter more, but we need to confront those destructive messages directly.
12. Help your child learn the joy of contribution.
Research shows that the pride of contributing to the betterment of society makes us happier, and it will make our children happier too. Our job as parents is to find ways for them to make a positive difference in the world so they can enjoy and learn from this experience.
“Happiness is a by-product of character. In people who are developing a strong character, there is a dramatically higher level of happiness than in those who live to chase after the next good time.” -Pat Holt and Grace Ketterman, MD
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